What quality do you value most in a friend?
Acceptance is a quality in a friend that one might assume is a given, but when it is extended genuinely, it is not easily withdrawn as seen so abundantly nowadays.
Acceptance is the ability to be wholly yourself and feel safe, heard, acknowledged, and accepted without the fear of spontaneous abandonment. Knowing you can speak your truth, listen to theirs, and share what’s important, interesting and entertaining to you without the need to censor yourself. The ability to disagree while remaining respectful, even in conflict. The capacity to have necessary discussions, even when they are uncomfortable.
Over the years, I have learned that the love and friendship offered to me have often been conditional, based on who they expected or wanted me to be, rather than who I truly am. I have often felt the pressure to conform or suppress my true self to please the people I know. Over time, I have chosen to go without friends because, with age and maturity, I would rather have no friends than friendships where love and acceptance can be easily withdrawn.
DH Darling 