Last Christmas, two young adults were told they would not receive anything from their grandmother because she did not think they were living up to her standards of success. This was not just about exerting power or control; it placed conditions on what should be unconditional love from a grandparent to a grandchild.
It is my belief that a gift should be given freely, without strings attached. When given thoughtfully and without obligation, the purpose of gift giving is to make someone else feel special, remembered and thought of.
I believe, unless she had constructive advice, she should have kept her disappointment in her grandchildren’s life choices to herself.
By expressing her disappointment at their lack of worldly success, she achieved nothing but to remind her grandchildren that they don not measure up to another person’s standards. Being disappointed in someone’s choices is one thing; deliberately rubbing it in their face during what should be a warm, festive, and joyful time is another. It is unfortunate that instead of offering encouragement and wisdom during a time of loss and personal struggle, they were judged and found wanting.
It is easy to judge, but understanding requires empathy.
Ultimately, these young adults received an unexpected gift: the realization that some people’s love and approval are not genuine at all but conditional, and an example of how not to be. They learned they are worthy for who they are, even when others try to show them otherwise. Their grandmother’s decree was not a reflection of them, but of her.
DH Darling 